So whaddya think? Is Tony Soprano dead? Or does his character live on, paranoid as always that the next person who walks through the door might be the one who was sent to whack him? Nobody knows for sure what the end of The Sopranos meant, but one television critic’s opinion of the finale and the whole series was that people don’t change. “They think they can, they tell themselves they want to, but they never do. (This) was the wrenching, funny, brutal, pessimistic message” the creator, David Chase, “sent via ‘The Sopranos,’ and in the last episode, he drove the point through the hearts of his characters like a stake.”[1] People don’t change. This sounds to me like a pretty good explanation for why people were so drawn to The Sopranos. The raw humanity of the characters and their efforts to change their lives, although ultimately futile, somehow gave the viewer hope. If an adulterous gangster can change his life, well, maybe anyone can change. Sadly, Tony Soprano never changed. But that does not mean we are without hope.

Where Tony Soprano failed, the woman in today’s scripture succeeded, but not on her own accord. She was not an adulterous gangster, but she was not of good repute either. She is described as a sinful woman. Sinful - that one word sinful says it all. Simon the Pharisee knew who she was, knew she was sinful and could not have been happy with her presence in his home nor with her actions. This sinful woman tenderly anointed the feet of Jesus with ointment and tears and kisses, and then dried his feet with her hair. A beautiful act.

Quick aside. For those of you wondering how to properly honor fathers on Father’s Day, might I offer to you the example of this woman? Granted Jesus was not her Father, but who wouldn’t like to have their feet anointed. Just a suggestion. Happy Father’s Day, Fathers.

As shocking as the woman’s actions were, Jesus’ acceptance of her offering is what throws the Pharisee for a loop. Her humble act of hospitality highlights the Pharisee’s shortcomings. And this sets up a tension between two ways of being in relationship to Jesus—the way of the sinful woman and the way of the Pharisee. The story ends with the sinful woman being forgiven while the Pharisee’s future is unclear.

Forgiveness is an important part of this story and it is a concept we Christians are very familiar with. We understand that Jesus put on flesh and walked among us, feeling the highs and lows of human life. We believe that he died an unjust death only to be raised three days later. We trust that his faithfulness is the foundation for our own forgiveness and faith. We also know that Jesus modeled a forgiving life and taught his followers to do likewise. And yet our knowledge of forgiveness, our familiarity with the concept, does not necessarily mean that we live it out. Whether we fail to accept the forgiveness offered to us or we refuse to forgive those who have wronged us, we, Christians, struggle to live lives of forgiveness.

Again, forgiveness is an important part of this story but it is not the only part of this story. There is another reality that goes hand in hand with forgiveness and that real act is confession. We see in the woman’s gesture, her tears and kisses, a humility that can only come through confession. We do not know what she said as she wept on Jesus feet. But we can imagine. We can almost hear her words as if they were our own. “I know who you are and I need your help. I don’t like my life. I am not proud of who I am or what I have done. Lord, I am not worthy of your presence but I know you can help me. I want to change but I cannot do it on my own. Please help me.”

The sinful woman’s humble act is an act of confession. It’s a recognition of her need for forgiveness and a desire for change in her life. It’s an awareness that this change cannot happen on her own accord. The woman’s act is in stark contrast to how the Pharisee received Jesus. He treated Jesus at best as an equal, but more likely considered himself to be superior to Jesus. He refused Jesus even the most customary acts of hospitality, a kiss for a greeting and the washing of his feet. Two very different ways of relating to Jesus. I wonder what role forgiveness played in each of their lives after this encounter? I suspect they continued to be very different.

The main difference between the way of the woman and the way of the Pharisee and really the challenge for each of us is this practice of confession. For it is only through the practice of confession, through this act, that we are able to accept and live out forgiveness. Now let me be clear because this can be confusing. I am not saying we are forgiven because we confess. It is not quid pro quo or an if…then statement. Paul makes this clear in Galatians. We are able to be forgiven because of the faithfulness of Jesus Christ. Forgiveness is there, for everyone. Confession opens our eyes to the presence of forgiveness and brings its impact into our lives. Confession and forgiveness go hand in hand. It is hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. But we cannot forgive ourselves. We can only confess our need for forgiveness. So what is so hard about it? If it is right there for everyone, why is it so hard to confess?

I confess I don’t know an easy answer to that question, but I do share in the struggle. Part of the struggle is the two extremes on the confession spectrum. On one pole is the person who thinks everything is their fault and so they apologize all the time. You know how the conversation goes: “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “I don’t know. I just thought you were mad at me so that must mean I did something wrong, so I’m sorry.” “For what?” Frustrating. We all know somebody like this. Some of you may be this somebody. I call this pole the constant-confessor. The other pole is the side I am more familiar with and that side I call the non-confessor. We non-confessors have a hard time admitting when we are wrong or have wronged someone. The proof is right in front of my face, excuse me, their face, plain as day and still they will not confess. Certainly I am not the only one here today on this side of the spectrum.

So we have our two poles: the constant-confessor and the non-confessor. Interestingly, they share something in common—neither one is practicing confession. The non-confessor, obviously by their silence, and the constant-confessor with their empty apologies. In between these two poles there is a lot of middle ground; but my hunch is we all lean towards one of the poles. I say this because I really don’t know many people who I would consider to be faithful practitioners of confession. So, what is so hard about it? Why do we have such a hard time living between the two poles, especially when there is a lot of middle ground?

Now might be a good time for a distinction to be made. There is a difference between general confession and specific confession. I think we can agree that it is not as hard to confess generally as it is specifically. We are aware of our sins, broadly. We know when we do wrong and sometimes we know right when we are doing it. But do we confess those specific sins? Allow me to confess that more often than not my own prayers of confession sound like this: “Dear God, please forgive me my sins.” Or “God, forgive me for how I have wronged you and others.” Sound familiar? There is a big difference between general confession and specific confession.

Just think about your relationships. Whether it be a friendship, a dating relationship, or family. In all relationships a general confession does not carry much weight. The classic example, and maybe a little too-close-to-home is married life. Two spouses are arguing and have been almost all day, maybe all week. Eventually one of them decides enough is enough, turns to the other and says, “Are you going to apologize?” The response? “Only if you will.” “I’m sorry.” “I’m sorry too.” But what have they apologized for? And have they really improved the quality of their relationship? Odds are the same issues will resurface at a not too much later date. This general confession of relational wrongdoing feels very different than when you go up to your loved one and apologize for not being patient after a long day, or for not listening to what they were saying during dinner, or for poorly chosen, hurtful words during a heated discussion.

Specific confession is much more personal. When we confess specific sinful acts, to God and to one another, we lay bare the ugliest sides of ourselves. This is one reason why confession is so hard. We are afraid people will not love us when they see our ugliness, when they realize what we are capable of. But God still loves us, just as we are. And this unconditional love, this grace and forgiveness, is transformational.

You have felt the transformation. You know the power of confessing the specific sins in your life. The freedom that comes from being lifted from the feet of Jesus after hearing the words, “Your sins are forgiven.” You walk a little lighter. You don’t avoid certain people or certain conversations. You are transformed and quicker to offer to others forgiveness. If you have confessed your sins, know that they are forgiven. Do not be fooled by the guilt of past actions that have been forgiven. “Your sins are forgiven.” Live as if they have been forgiven.

General confession is okay but if we never confess the specific sins in our lives, if we never stop to let God’s Spirit shine the light on the scariest and darkest parts of our lives, then we can not experience and accept the forgiveness and grace that is offered for every single sinful act. General confession opens our eyes to the reality of forgiveness and grace. Specific confession allows that reality to change our lives.

So what is so hard about it? Why do we fail to do it? We know we are created to live grace-filled forgiving lives, yet we fail to spend time in confession and thus turn our backs on the grace and redemption offered to all of us. To not spend time in confessing specific sins and still expect to live a grace-filled, forgiving life is tantamount to Paris Hilton wanting special treatment because she’s a celebrity. Think about it. We know grace and forgiveness is available and yet we still don’t confess our sins. We take it for granted. Oh we might throw in a nice general confession here and there to cover our bases. But really the only people who need to confess specific sins are those who are living really bad lives. The confession of specific sins is not just for those we deem to be immoral. It is for everyone, just as grace is.

You may be wondering to whom you need to confess. The first answer is God. God knows the ugly, dark parts of our lives and loves us anyway. This encounter with a forgiving God might compel you to confess your sins to others. Maybe it was just a white lie. Or your words hurt a family member. Perhaps some unethical or immoral behavior. It could be you are harboring jealousy and bitterness that has impacted your relationship with a friend. Whatever it is, confess, first to God and then to those to whom God’s Spirit leads you to confess.

I know this feels heavy, but we are not without hope. Thinking about confessing our sins to each other is a scary prospect. But it is necessary. In order for healing and redemption to come in our relationships, in order to live out forgiveness to one another, we need to confess to each other. Maybe you need to confess to someone else before having the strength to confess to the one you hurt. Maybe you need a Stephen Minster or a trusted advisor or friend. Someone whom you can throw yourself at the feet of, maybe even literally. It makes a difference.

The sinful woman experienced this difference. Her relationship with Jesus, and I would dare say the world around her, was forever changed from the time spent at his feet. From the text we see that she is the only one who left with a blessing of peace. Confession brings peace. It brings forgiveness. Confession changes your life. Two ways of relating to Jesus. One brings peace and the other, well, just ask the Pharisee. Amen.

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