BY GEORGE! ANOTHER VOICE

Matt Marston, Pastoral Resident

Disagreements

The stronger the opinion, the more painful the disagreement.

As long as I can remember, I have had strong opinions. For a long time, I have tried to surround myself with people who agree with me. But time and again, disagreement has reared its ugly head. With family, with friends, with colleagues. Sometimes these differences are of serious importance concerning matters of faith, politics and ethics. Other times the differences are trivial, concerning what to eat, where to go and what to do.

As odd as it may seem, I have found all disagreements, whether obviously major or seemingly minor, can become deeply painful if the circumstances are right—no, wrong.

Instances of disagreement offer us divergent paths. We can expend our energy to prove another wrong, to change the other. This is, perhaps, the path most commonly traveled. But in cases of disagreement, we also may keep quiet, to think our opinion doesn’t matter. Either way, disagreement may cause distortions in our views of humanity, whether our own or someone else’s.

A few years ago when I was struggling with stubborn and persistent arguments with another person, I came across these words from Mennonite theologian John Howard Yoder: “To be human is to have differences; to be human wholesomely is to process those differences, not by building up conflicting power claims but by reconciling dialogue.” After reading these lines, I never have thought about arguments and disputes in the same way. Our differences are not the problem, but the way we handle them can turn them into problems. Do we handle them through patient listening and speaking, or in shouting voices and caricatures? 

To handle conflict wholesomely is certainly easier said than done. One of the great gifts of the community called the church is an arena to practice a Christian style of handling disagreement. Sunday School discussions, Wednesday night Bible study, even committee meetings can become forums for our learning to handle our differences.

While the world treats differences as relationship breakers and fuel for fires of animosity, the church can help us see differences as opportunities for faithfulness.